he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
