he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
