I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
