i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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