Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
