OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
