i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
