Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
