who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
