She's JV to your varsity
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
