Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
