I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
