she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
