so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This house was built for laser tag.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
