oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
