I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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