He kissed a someone with a penis
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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