I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think a kid would responsible me up
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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