Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
