I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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