I just threw up on my dentist
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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