"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
