Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
