I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
