He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
someone owes me an orgasm
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think a kid would responsible me up
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
