to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
