dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
