im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
