I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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