Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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