I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
