so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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