So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
