I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just cut my nipple shaving
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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