now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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