Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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