Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
