THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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