Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
