somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
