I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
