A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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