i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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