Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
