I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
