I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
sarcasm needs its own font
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
