I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
