He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
