...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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