It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Boobs are out for the taking
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
