you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He keeps bees of course he's weird
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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