Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
