so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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