I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
