Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
